Bob&Betty - Episode 7 - Juliet's Decision

Juliet: Brandi? Brandi? I want to talk to you.
Brandi: About what?
Juliet: I think you know. You like me. Don't pretend otherwise. You've been dropping hints since I moved in here.
Brandi: It's true. I do like you, Juliet. I can't keep my eyes off you.

Juliet: The thing is, Brandi, I feel that way, too.
Brandi: You do?
Juliet: Yes. That's why I'm always single. It's you I want, not some college guy.
Brandi: Are you gonna tell my parents?
Juliet: I can't. We'll have to keep our feelings for each other hidden from everybody else.
Brandi: Oh, Juliet! Should we run away together? Where we can be free, and let our feelings for each other show?
Juliet: How about no, Brandi? This isn't a romance novel.
Brandi: Okay, okay. Just... kiss me.

Bob: Everybody, wake up!
Brandi: [Wakes up, Juliet isn't there] Oh, for Christ's sake!
Bob: Wait. It's alright. I've found it. You can all go back to sleep.
Stewart: It's too late now. Once I'm up, I'm up.
Brandi: I hate you, Dad!
Bob: Right back at you.

In the morning

Stewart: At least you're crapping inside now, eh Bob?
Bob: Yes.
Stewart: You warm enough?
Bob: Fine, thanks.
Stewart: You got enough loo roll?
Bob: Why can't you ever let me crap in peace?

Betty: You're silent again, Juliet.
Juliet: I am?
Betty: Yeah, its strange. You normally join me in a morning bitch about Bob.
Juliet: Oh, we do that?
Betty: Yeah, its fun.
Juliet: I didn't notice we did it so much. Do you think we go too far?
Betty: Perhaps, do you think we should stop?
(Bob farts from other room)
Juliet: I see no reason to.

Brandi: Morning, Mum. Hey there, Juliet...
Juliet: And with that, I'm gonna head off to college.
Brandi: Want me to walk you?
Juliet: I'm going to get a restraining order, I mean seriously.

(Phone rings)
Juliet: Hello?
Henry: - Paige, we are in our sixties. I see no point in making love anymore.
Juliet: Dad, I've answered the phone!
Henry: Oh, hello dear. Have you thought anymore about what I asked you last night?
Juliet: Yeah, a little.
Henry: The place can be available for you to move into tonight. I can't stand my daughter living with those horrible -
Juliet: Dad, they're not all bad, I guess...
Henry: Look. Don't worry, I've booked us all in for some counselling sessions next week.
Juliet: Don't you think you're overreacting?
Henry: No. If anything I'm keeping calm.

Henry: Anyway, I'll attempt to text you the address of your new place, and also, Sharla is expecting you at her get to together tonight.
Juliet: Oh no, not Sharla! Dad, we don't like her!
Henry: Excuse me? Yes, we do!
Juliet: Since when?
Henry: Since her father brought a new oil firm.
Juliet: Oh my God, you're planning to set me up with his obviously-gay, ugly son, aren't you?
Henry: Excuse me, young lady - we don't use the lord's name in vain - and yes, I am.
Juliet: Oh, father!
Henry: I've got to go, I've got to go make sure Franny's not stealing any vases again.
Juliet: Dad, she's been working for you for twenty years! You should learn to trust her.
Henry: Pfft, I trust no-one. Why do you think I watch when your mother cooks my meals? You never know who's gonna slip the poison in...
Juliet: Goodbye, father.

Bob: You know, I'm starting to get bored, just sitting in doors all day. I mean, my life is just so unfulfilling. I do nothing - I just sit here and watch the telly all day. I'm just wasting away. I've decided I need to get a job.
Betty: Bob - are you being serious?
Bob: No, don't be daft. Make me a cuppa, love.
Betty: [Puts kettle on] Wouldn't you ever consider getting one? A job?
Bob: Of course not. This is the best life ever. I've got a beautiful wife, and I get to do -
[Kettle whistles]
Bob: - all.

Betty: Your teas on the table.
Bob: Thanks, love. Ooh!
Betty: What? Burger king advert again?
Bob: No, erm... something different.
Betty: Oh?
Bob: I'm just gonna put on a shirt and nip off to the store, quickly.
Betty: No! No! No! You are not buying something you've just seen advertised! Dammit, Bob, you do that all the time!
Bob: I'll be right back!

Later that day

Bob: Why, hello darling...
Betty: Ah, Bob thank God you're home. I was wondering where you'd got to -

Bob: You like?
Betty: Is that... a wig?!
Bob: You can't tell, can you?
Betty: Bob... you look like Jesus!
Bob: I'll take that as a compliment. Jesus had sex appeal... right?

Juliet: [Phone rings] Hello?
Henry: Hi, Juliet. I'm just ringing to make sure you're still going to Sharla's party later.
Juliet: I've said I'll go, Dad, but I'm having nothing to do with that son of his.
Henry: We'll see about that. Wait- what are you doing?! Put that down, now!
Juliet: Dad?
Henry: You'll press charges?! I'll crush your lawyers, you hear? Crush them!
Juliet: Er... dad?
Henry: Oh- sorry Juliet. I caught Franny trying to make off with one of the vases!
Franny: It's cleaning day! I have to-
Henry: I don't care what you have to do. Put it down and leave, now! NOW!
Juliet: Dad...?
Henry: Gotta go, Juliet. Got a situation on my hands here.
Juliet: Wait-
(He hangs up)

Betty: You enjoying lunch, girls?
Hannah: Its alright.
Betty: Thanks for your honesty.
Gina: Where's fatso? Isn't he joining us today?
Betty: No. I've made him stay out of our way.
Gina: Why?
Betty: He's got a wig, and now he sees himself as some sort of sex god.
Gina: Pfft.

Bob: Hello, ladies.
Hannah: Oh, God! For a second there, I thought Death was coming to tell me my time was up!
Betty: Bob, what on earth are you doing!?
Bob: Inviting my chosen lady into the bedroom. It'll be our first time with the wig!
Betty: Don't you see I have company?
Bob: Oh, really? Why not invite them in, as well...?
Betty: No, Bob!
Gina: Go on, Betty! I would!
Hannah: Wouldn't you with anyone?
Gina: Not with him, usually, but he looks so... wild.
Betty: Gina, if you wanna have sex with my ridiculous husband, then please, feel free.

Betty: What do you think you're doing?! Sit the hell down!
Bob: I'll be in the bedroom, naked, if you change your mind.
Betty: Oh, I won't.

Gina: Aren't you eager to try it with the wig?
Betty: (Pauses a moment) No.
Gina: Aha, you hesitated. Haven't you always wondered what it would be like to have sex with Bob, with hair?
Betty: We were young once, you know.
Gina: Bob was bald then, too.
Betty: Oh my God, you're right. I've never had sex with Bob when he's had hair!
Hannah: Me - trying to eat my lunch, that's all I'm saying.
Gina: Well, go try it out!
Betty: I should do.
Hannah: Do you want us to leave?
Betty: Nah, its alright, stay here. It will only take a moment.

Hannah: You're seriously okay with them having sex in the same house as us?
Gina: Doesn't bother me.
Hannah: This is sick and disgusting.
Gina: I'm sure we won't even hear it -
Bob: (From afar) I'm glad you've changed your mind, baby -
Hannah: Gina, lets just go!
Gina: Shh, its getting to the good bit.
Betty: (From afar) Would you like me to clean out your belly button fluff again, first?
Gina: Alright, lets go.

(Phone rings)
Juliet: Hello?
Brandi: Hey.
Juliet: Hey Brandi, what's up?
Brandi: Nothing. Just felt like calling.
Juliet: Right... well, is there something I could do for you?
Brandi: (Laughs) Is that an offer?
Juliet: Oh, for Christ's sakes
(hangs up).

(Phone rings)
Juliet: Garggh!

Juliet: Sod off, Brandi!
Henry: Sorry?!
Juliet: Oh my God, Daddy, I'm so sorry!
Henry: Have you made your decision?
Juliet: No, not yet.
Henry: What's so hard about it? Ditch the stigs and get the heck out of the dump!
Juliet: They're not stigs, Dad, they're nice, decent people, and its about time you got over yourself!
(Hangs up)

(Phone rings)
Juliet: Okay, maybe I shouldn't have reacted that way. I'm sorry for speaking to you like that, especially when you mean so much to me, and I'm so grateful for everything you've done for me, and I really hope you know how much you mean to me - I love you.
Brandi: Aww, Juliet - I love you too!

Juliet: FOR GOD'S SAKE, BRANDI, STOP CALLING ME!

Later that day

Henry: Now, remember to be on your best behaviour, tonight. Sharla's family are billionaires.
Juliet: Fine.

Sharla: Juliet! Lovely to see you out of that dump! I hate to think of you living with a bunch of stigs, when I'm so rich and happy.
Juliet: Tragic, isn't it.
Sharla: Isn't it just. Oh, have you met my brother? He's available, you know. I'll just go and track him down.

Juliet: I don't care how rich they are, Dad. You are not marrying me off to that ugly, gay brother of hers! I hate him!

Sharla: This is my brother - Stephen.
Juliet: Delighted to meet you, I'm sure.
Henry: Good girl.

Stephen: So...
Juliet: So...
Stephen: I look quite stunning tonight.
Juliet: I may be wrong, but I thought it was generally supposed to be you that complimented me, not you that complimented yourself.
Stephen: You look stunning too... erm... baby.
Juliet: Oh, I don't. I forgot to shave my legs before I came here.
Stephen: That's alright. I like a hairy woman.
Juliet: Yeah, I bet you do.

Sharla: Everybody - let's have a toast! A toast to Juliet - and welcoming her back into the arms of civilisation, and out of the lair of animals she's had to lodge with.
Juliet: Er... thanks. Wonderful of you...
Sharla: Yes. I am wonderful! You know what else is wonderful? The three-and-a-half thousand pound watch I brought last week. But, now's not the time to brag. If I'd wanted to brag I'd have told you all about the new sports car I got given by my Daddy, but I'm not much of a bragger.
Juliet: No, not at all.

Henry: So, Juliet, are you enjoying being back in high society. Has it influenced any decisions you might be making?
Juliet: Yes. Yes, it has. I've made my decision.

Bob: I feel like a new man in this wig, Betty! A new man!
Betty: Bob - the sex was awful! The hair just got in the way, and, to be honest, towards the end the love was between you and the wig.
Bob: I know!
Betty: I'm going out for a bit. I feel sick.
Bob: Why?
Betty: It feels like I've just slept with a gorilla.
Brandi: Doesn't it always?

Bob: Do I honestly make her feel sick? Am I horrible husband and father?
Brandi: Yes.
Bob: You didn't even hesitate!
Brandi: I know. I'm going out too.
Bob: Wait-
[Door slams]

Bob: I've gotta make things different. I've got to prove that I'm not a horrible husband and father. What can I do?

Later that night:

Betty: Oh hey Juliet, where have you been?
Juliet: Just out and about really. You guys been out all day?
Betty: Yeah.
Stewart: I don't like it when you all go out. I miss you.
Betty: Leave us alone!

Betty: Don't think I was too harsh on him do you? I just don't like it when I can't even take a shower without him asking me where I'm putting the spounge.

Betty: Oh my god.
Brandi: The place looks... brilliant!
Betty: Bob, did you?
Bob: You bet I did! I felt like doing something nice for you all!
Brandi: Even me?
Bob: Even you.

Betty: Oh Bob this is wonderful!
Juliet: It's brilliant Bob, honestly. My dad asked me if I would like my own new place you know instead of staying here.
Betty: Oh... oh. I see. I guess you're leaving then?
Juliet: Nope I turned down his offer.
Brandi: I knew you loved me!
Juliet: (Laughs) No. (then seriously) No! It's just I reliased that rich people are just selfish and nasty and that over the time I've been here I've got to know and care deeply for you all, even you Bob!
Bob: Aww, I'm touched.

Bob: I care deeply about you too Juliet, you're like the daughter I've never had.
Brandi: Erm, dad?
Bob: Sorry love. You're like the attractive daughter I've never had.
Brandi: I'd be annoyed if you hadn't of done these walls. It's amazing dad.
Bob: I do love you Brandi you know that?
Brandi: I love you too.
Bob: Let's sit down and watch some TV eh? Like a family?

Betty: This is nice.
Juliet: Yeah it is.
(Bob farts)
Betty: You have to ruin everything don't you?
Bob: You love it.
Betty: Yeah, I do.