Bob&Betty - Episode 11 - The Chavs Getting Married In The Morning


Bob: I had a strange dream just now.
Betty: Did you? What was it about?
Bob: Well...



TV Announcer: Sim Street series nine, coming soon to SimTV.
Bob: Great, just what I need – more gun violence on my TV. At least they all come back to life though, that’s always realistic…


Betty: Hi honey, I'm home.
Bob: Hey Betty, why does your voice sound so croaky?
Betty: My voice is fine.


Bob: OH MY GOD!
Marge: What's wrong, Bobbie?



Betty: You watch too much TV.
Bob: It might be because I was thinking of her when we did it last night.
Betty: What the f-
Bob: Any lunch?


Brandi: That's it! I'm not going to school ever again.
Betty: What's up now?
Bob: Is your teacher picking on you again? The one who always tells you off when you've done nothing wrong, and the one who keeps you behind at lunch for no reason?
Brandi: No!
Bob: Shame. I did like that woman.
Brandi: You know what, don't worry. My problems don't matter.
Bob: Good, glad you noticed not everything is about you.


Juliet: Guys, has anybody seen my straighteners?
Bob: If by seen you mean used and by used you mean broken.
Juliet: What do you need them for!?
Bob: A man needs to take care of his appearance, Juliet.
Juliet: For goodness sake, they were GHD's! The most expensive ones!
Bob: Relax – me and Betty will buy you new ones for your birthday.
Juliet: For my last birthday, you gave me a pear.
Betty: Better than what Brandi got.
Juliet: What did he get you Brand?
Brandi: A high five.


Juliet: Hannah's coming.
Betty: Is Gina with her?
Juliet: Nope, just her.
Betty: That's weird; she doesn’t normally stop by on her own.
Bob: Unsociable cow.
Betty: Bob, when we went to my nephew’s birthday party, you wouldn't stop listening to your MP3 player, and when my Nan tried having a chat with you all you did was tell her to talk to the hand.
Bob: Yes, and I asked you for a cup of tea five minutes ago, we're all rude. And plus she broke some of our wedding china Betty. Or have you forgotten about that!?
Betty: That was in 1994!
Bob: When it was is irrelevant, Betty.


Hannah: Hello everybody!
Bob: Wassup home boy.
Hannah: I got some great news.
Bob: You're emigrating?
Brandi: You used that joke on Christmas day.
Bob: Shut it you.


Hannah: I'm getting married!
(Silence)
Hannah: Well, isn't anybody going to say anything?
Bob: Aren't you already married to that chef?
Hannah: No, he died.
Juliet: I thought you were married to Derek?
Hannah: No, Gina slept with him.
Betty: Oh, so this one is new?
Hannah: Yeah! And Betty, I want you to be my maid of honour!
Betty: Oh Hannah, I'd be delighted!
Bob: What can I be?
Hannah: The drunken fat guy on the dance floor who make a fool of himself.
Bob: (Sighs) I never get a challenge.
Betty: So, when's the wedding?
Hannah: A month.
Betty: That soon?


Hannah: Yeah! We can't wait to be together! When he holds me in his arms I just feel so safe and protected, and when we kiss I feel as my heart skips a beat and it makes me feel whole, Betty.






Hannah: I've never met a man with so much passion and love and warmth.


Hannah: As our bodies become one, I feel as if I'm a new woman, and our lovemaking is just spectacular!


Hannah: Hello?
Stewart: (From afar) I'm interested.
Hannah: Oh, shut up you.

The Wedding Day:


Betty: Wow, this place is beautiful Hannah.
Gina: Yeah, how the hell did you afford this?
Hannah: Richard’s a rich man, didn't I tell you?
Betty: No, you left that part out.


Gina: Oh my God, is that the Veronaville ladies?
Betty: Yeah I think it is, haven't seen them for months. Although that's not a bad thing.
Gina: Hey, you want me to totally freak them out?






























Hannah: Well, Gina, that was a fantastic display, but can I get you two to put on your dresses now?


Betty: Oh, Hannah. This dress is amazing.
Hannah: Betty, you look fantastic. Gina - let's see you.


Gina: Hannah - I HATE YOU!


Gina: I LOOK STUPID! YOU CAN'T MAKE ME WEAR THIS! I LOOK LIKE A DAMN BUBBLEBEE!
Hannah: If you wanna be in my wedding - I'll think you'll find I can. Plus, you totally work the wings.
Gina: Why!? What have I done that's so wrong to you? You're always so mean to me - like the time you whacked me in the head with that golf club!
Hannah: That was ten years ago! You slept with my past two husbands!
Gina: That was months ago - get over it!


Hannah: Ah, just got a text. My hubby to be is going to be here shortly!
Betty: Isn't it bad luck to have the groom see the bride before the event?
Hannah: Well, I saw my past two husbands the day of the wedding and that turned out fine.
Betty: Yeah, only one died and the other ended in a bitter divorce after he had countless affairs.
Hannah: Oh Betty, I don't believe in that mumbo jumbo.


Hannah: Such a beautiful... OH MY GOD!
Betty: What's wrong!?
Hannah: Black cat! Staring right at me! Oh my God, bad luck! I am so doomed!
Betty: That you believe in?


Richard: I'm here!
Hannah: Everyone - this is Richard.
Gina: Wow, nice to meet you.
Betty:
Oh my god - big dick!
Hannah: What?
Betty:
You're big dick?
Richard: (Laughs) People haven't called me Dick for years.


Hannah: Betty, you know him?
Betty: It's you Dick! Don't you remember? We kinda did it a lot of times.
Richard: Who are you?
Betty: Betty Newbie.
Richard: Sorry, name doesn’t really ring a bell.
Hannah: Betty, will you cut it out. It's my wedding day.
Gina: Yeah Betty, God. You're such a slag.


Bob: I'm really not looking forward to this wedding, why did we have to go? I don't even like Hannah.
Brandi: Mum’s the maid of honour, dad.
Juliet: Is that man over there reading Big Issue?
Brandi: Yeah that's Hannah's brother.
Juliet: Ah, makes sense. And who is that woman next to him with the burgundy bag and hooped golden earrings?
Brandi: Hannah's mother.
Juliet: Why did I ask? Let me guess - the little baby-sitting with that eleven-year-old girl are Hannah's sisters?
Brandi: Don't be stupid, they're mother and daughter.
Juliet: I wish to leave!


Vicar: Somebody is leaving the house of God so soon?


Bob: Oh my goodness.
Brandi:
What?
Bob: That's Damon Evile!
Brandi: Who?
Bob: He bullied me when I was a child Brandi! He picked on me! I remember when he told the entire playground that I hated the Muppet Show. Everybody turned on me.
Brandi: Really?








Bob: You have no idea. (sniffs)


Damon: Well, if it isn't Bob Newbie.
Bob: Hello Damon. Been bullying any children lately?
Damon: A few. A few. But, I am a man of God; I do only what I am asked.
Bob: Oh, so God asked you to whack me up the head with the skipping rope, did he?
Damon: Don't be so ridiculous; God has more on his mind than thinking of you, Bob. That whipping incident was all my idea.
Bob: You're horrible!
Damon: And who is this? Your son or your daughter? I can't tell if they're tits or man boobs.
Bob: How dare you! Don't you dare speak about my son-
Brandi: DAD!
Bob: - daughter like that!

Soon:


Damon: Would everybody please be silent for the bride? In other words - shut the hell up now.


Damon: Is everybody ready here?
Hannah: Almost, yeah. Gina, go up and watch the service from the balcony please, why you chose to wear that to my wedding is unclear.
Gina: YOU GAVE ME THIS!
Hannah: Upstairs, now.
Gina: Son of a -


(Kettle whistles)
Damon: Would anybody like some tea before we get started?
Hannah: Erm, no thank you.
Damon: I have to say, Miss. Asbo, you're the twentieth most beautiful bride I've ever married.
Hannah: Aww, really?
Damon: Yes, today is my 21st ceremony, I'm very excited.
Hannah: Oh.


Gina: Making me put on this and getting me to stand up here! Who the hell does that woman think she is!?
Man: Gina?


Gina: What the hell are you doing up here?
Stewart: Oh, I wasn't invited.
Gina: Aww.
Stewart: Could you sneak me into the wedding?
Gina: I have a better idea!




Juliet: Err Brandi, why are there so many people with Hannah?
Brandi: She's being walked down the aisle by all those men because her mother’s not quite sure who her father is.


Juliet: Lovely.


Brandi: Where's dad?
Juliet: He said he's gotta go ruin Damon's life.
Brandi: Of course.


Richard: You look beautiful.
Hannah: As do you.
Betty: HOW CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER ME!?


Richard: What?
Hannah: Betty!
Betty: WE DID IT TEN TIMES! TEN TIMES! ONCE AT THE GOLF COURSE, TWICE AT YOUR NANS HOUSE - ONCE IN MY NANS HOUSE - ONCE AT YOUR BEST FRIENDS NANS HOUSE -
Hannah: What the -
Betty: TWICE AT THE FUNFAIR - ON THE FERIS WHEEL AND ON THE BUMPING CARS!
Damon: I witnessed that!
Betty: ONCE IN FRANCE! ONCE ON ONE OF THOSE SWAN BOAT THINGS AT BLUEWATER AND THEN AGAIN AT MY NANS HOUSE!
Damon: Erm... have you guys been on Trisha?


Brandi: At peoples Nan’s house?
Juliet: Yeah Brandi, it's the norm.
Brandi: Sweet.


Bob: AHAH!
Damon: What in God’s name!?








Bob: YES! YES! You know what that is Damon!? Let me check - oh wait, it's revenge! Oh yes! In your face! How do you like the water, huh? How do you like the water? Not holy is it? Oh no! I gotcha! The joke’s on you now!




Hannah: I can't believe this - anyone else want to ruin my day!?
(Silence)
Gina: Oh god, harder! That's it! Oh my gosh! OH! OH! OH!
Stewart: Gina, this is wrong - get off of me!
Gina: But Stewart!
Stewart: GET OFF!


Gina: WOAH! FLY WINGS FLY!




Gina: Damn it!


Juliet: What is it with us lot and balconies?


Hannah: Marry me, for Christ’s sake.
(Everybody gasps)


Hannah: Oh, so that gets a gasp!

Later at the reception:


Juliet: You should all be ashamed of yourself!
Brandi: You completely ruined Hannah's service!
Juliet: I don't know why I put up with it - the things me and Brandi have to put up with!
Brandi: Let’s not talk to them for the rest of the night Juliet, I thought we taught them better than this.
Juliet: Honestly, your behaviour is disgraceful! I've got to go and mingle with people, with them knowing what you lot did! I'm embarrassed - SO embarrassed!
Brandi: Don't ask for any money for the arcade game either, Dad - you won't be going on it.
Juliet: Come on Bran, let’s go get ourselves a drink.


Betty: Ouch.
Gina: We just got spanked.


Hannah: Today – despite the performances during our service – has been the best day of my life.
Richard: Mine too.
Hannah: Oh, except when Steps broke up – that can't be topped.
Richard: (Laughs) I love you, Hannah Asbo.
Hannah: It's Hannah Bustop now.
Richard: We're going to be together forever.
Hannah: Forever and ever.
Richard: For all of eternity.






Gina: Can't believe he didn't mention he was dying.
Hannah: Me neither, it's something you tell your wife, right?
Gina: Oh yeah, you must feel cheated.
Hannah: Yeah.
Gina: Lied to.
Hannah: Yes.
Gina: Down and depressed.
Hannah: Alright Gina.
Gina: Like every man you ever sleep with just ditches you some way or another, whether it's by fleeing the country or going six feet under.
Hannah: Yes! Ok, Gina! Point made!


Hannah: (Laughs) At least I know you didn't sleep with this one, eh?
(Silence)
Hannah: You are unbelievable!




Bob: You know tonight is sex night?
Betty: Isn't every night sex night?
Bob: No, on Sunday we watch Kerry Katona's reality show. I can't make love after seeing her face.
Betty: Well, what were you going to say?
Bob: I was wondering if you could put on that red pearl necklace I got you.
Betty: Yeah, sure.
Bob: And a tight green dress.
Betty: Alright.
Bob: And the big fluffy blue wig I bought.
Betty: I am not dressing up like Marge Simpson!
Bob: Damn it!