Bob&Betty - Episode 17 - Snowed In






Bob:
Merry Christmas!
Tramp: And to you!
Bob: It's pouring it down with the snow, huh?
Tramp: Yeah, it's horrible weather!
Bob: I bet you crave warm shelter, huh?
Tramp: It would be lovely...
Bob: Aw. Well, take care.




Bob: Good evening, my lovely ladies!
Brandi: Why are you in such good mood?
Bob: Why wouldn't I be? Christmas is coming, Brandi! It's the season of love and good will to all men!


Tramp: I'm so fricking cold...


Brandi: Well I'll be happy once my flu buggers off!
Bob: Oh, so in the mean time we have to put up with your moodiness? You know you can be so selfish sometimes.
Brandi: I wonder who I get it from?
Bob: Your Mother, probably. She can be selfish. Last night she wouldn't even let me put my face between her breasts for warmth.
Juliet: Yes, she's so unreasonable, isn't she?


Bob: Indeed. Where is Betty any way?
Juliet: She's nipped out to get some bits for the Christmas party tonight.
Bob: Oh, excellent! I cannot wait! I've got a special outfit prepared!
Brandi: Oh, no. You're not going to dress up as Madonna are you?
Bob: Don't be stupid, Brandi!
Brandi: Thank God!
Bob: I never wear the same outfit more than once. If I did what sort of diva would I be?
Juliet: I worry about you, Bob.


Betty: OK, we've got some snacks. We just need to get the drinks now.
Hector: I have to say. I think it's very nice of you to invite me to the party.
Betty: Hector, you live with us.
Hector: So? Santa used to have parties without me back in the North Pole.
Betty: Aw, that's not fair.
Hector: I know. I always felt left out. It would be him and Mrs. Claus alone and from the sounds of it they had so much fun. All the moaning of joy and the jolly screams of "OH, YES!" as they danced the night away.
Betty: Oh and where did they have these parties?
Hector: In their room.
Betty: Right, did it ever occur to you that they were having se-
Hector: One time they even invited the elves and the reindeer's in.
Betty: All right, that's a bit messed up.


Gina: Guys! We have to get back to town as soon as!
Betty: Why? What's going on?
Gina: They've given out warnings of a blizzard! It's going to be the biggest in years apparently!
Betty: Oh, how worrying!
Gina: We literally have to leave now or we'll be stuck in here for days!
Betty: This is stupid. Why would they only just have given out the warnings now?
Gina: Betty, go along with it, it adds dramatic effect.
Betty: All right, I've got most of the stuff. Lets go!


Gina: I feel as if we're forgetting something?
Betty: Are we?
Hector: I feel like that too.
Betty: Hmm... I hope it's nothing important. I've got all the food, I know that.
Hector: Ah, I forgot the glasses you asked me to pick up.
Betty: That's it.
Gina: Never mind.
Betty: I'm just glad it was nothing important...


Hannah: OK, guys lets continue to shop until we -


Hannah: Guys?


Hannah: Oh, the bitches...


Bob: I think Hannah has a crush on me.
Juliet: Hows that?
Bob: She keeps poking me on Facebook.
Juliet: The slut.
Bob: I know, right?


Gay Jay: We're here for the party!
Bob: That doesn't start for another three hours?
Vicrum: We had to get here now, though. Didn't you hear about the blizzard?
Bob: The blizzard?
Gay Jay: Turn on the news!


Bob: Ah, there you go.
Paulo: These blizzard warnings are very serious, people! I'm just so sorry they didn't get to you sooner...
Liz: God, here we go.


Paulo: Well what did you expect? Sorry, folks. Ignore my wife. She clearly hasn't grasped the importance of her job.
Liz: I'm sorry, OK? I've had a lot on my mind. It's a hectic time of year but you wouldn't know because I'm the one who plans everything whilst your sat on your ass watching the games.


Paulo: Liz, this isn't the time or place.
Liz: No it never is with you, is it!? Why can't we have this out right now!?


Paulo: Liz, compose yourself. I know it's hard for you but do it for crying out loud. What if my mother is watching?
Liz: You know what? Screw you and your damn mother, Paulo! SCREW YOU!





Paulo: So, erm... sorry about... that, viewers. Erm, lets go to the sports shall we. Tiny Tim?


Tiny Tim: Nope! Sorry, bro. I can't follow that.


Military Guy: It's going to be the worst in a long time so we're all gathering here. We may even be snowed in a for a few days.
Juliet: So you'd rather be here than with your wife?
Military Guy: You know what they say - bro's before ho's
Gay Jay: Do you mean that literally? Glenda gets around...
Vicrum: Oh, heck yeah.
Bob: She certainly does.
Brandi: There's no stopping her.
Military Guy: What!?
Bob: Party sausages, anyone?


Gina: All right. I've got the bits I'm gonna need for a few nights. Lets head back to yours, Betty.
Betty: Rightio.
Hector: Hey, isn't that Hannah running up?


Hannah: OI! YOU SELFISH BITCHES!


Gina: Floor it.
Betty: Gina! She'll freeze to death out there! It's so dangerous!
(Pause)
Gina: Floor it.


Hannah: I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU IDIOTS FORGOT ME! HOW COULD YOU DO THAT TO ME!? YOUR HUSBAND MAY BE AN IDIOT, BETTY, BUT IT DOESN'T GIVE YOU AN EXCUSE!
Gina: Hannah!
Betty: She's right. We forgot her. I'm so sorry, Hannah.
Hannah: I didn't even want to come to the party today as your house is a crap hole but I did so because you're a friend!
Hector: Wow, that's a bit harsh.
Betty: No, no, I deserve it. I could have left her stranded. Get in, Hannah.
Hannah: Why so we can go back to yours and eat some of your over cooked chicken?


Betty: Too far!
Hannah: NO, wait! Sorry!


Betty: Fine, get in.
Hannah: THANK YOU!


Henry: Prepare yourself, Henry, it's bound to smell...
Paige: You were meant to say that in your head, dear.
Henry: Oh, yes. It gets harder with age, love.


Bob: This place is looking fantastic.
Brandi: I think we all did a good job.
Gay Jay: Every time the lights go pink I get so excited.
Vicrum: Your gayness disturbs me.


Paige: Hello, everybody!
Juliet: Mum? Dad?


Paige: Hello, my love!
Juliet: What are you doing here?
Henry: What the bloody hell has she done to her hair?
Paige: Henry - in your head!
Henry: Oh, yes. Sorry.
Paige: We heard about the party so we thought we'd pop in for ten minutes and see how you were doing.
Military Guy: Didn't you hear about the blizzard? Where ever you are within the next few hours you'll have to be for days.


Paige: Well we had best be off!


Henry: Lets get out of this dump, quickly!
Paige: Agreed.
Henry: I meant for that to stay in my head!
Paige: I didn't!


Betty: Woah, everyone get inside!
Henry: But -
Betty: Quickly!


Bob: Betty, thank God you made it back.
Betty: That doesn't seem very sincere.
Bob: I'll be honest, I wanted us to all have pillow fights in our under wear.
Juliet: What makes you think I would have allowed that?
Bob: We were going to do it on three mattresses, all piled on top of each other.
Juliet: Oh, you know that does actually seem fun...
Betty: We had to sprint from the car. It's coming down so bad.
Gina: I'm just glad we all made it.
Hector: Yeah, I'm pleased we didn't forget anything.


Hannah: You bitches!
Betty: Hannah, I'm so sorry!


Hannah: Forget it, Betty!


Paige: This has been lovely but we really must be going.
Betty: Didn't you hear? None of us can go! We're all snowed in.
Henry: We have to stay here!?
Bob: It's all right. We'll have fun.
Henry: We really don't do fun.
Paige: We really really don't.
Juliet: They really really really don't.
Bob: It's OK, everybody! I have an outfit that is going to amaze and entertain you all!


Betty: Bob, I erm... left your Madonna outfit in the car.




Bob: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Brandi: Madonna, I knew it!

A few hours later...


Henry: How are we going to get through this, Paige?
Paige: Love, we have to stay calm.
Henry: Calm!? Stay calm!? I've had two strokes, cancer, a fall down the stairs where I almost broke my neck and I fought in World War II yet this is the most scared I have EVER been.
Paige: We can get through this. I'm sure they'll civilised for a day or two.
Henry: Can we take that gamble? I'm not so sure. What if they get hungry and eat us?
Paige: Don't be ridiculous, dear. We've just got to be civil, silent and whatever you do don't insult them.


Bob: Yeah, because it's not like we didn't hear everything you just said...
Paige: Oh.
Henry: They're smarter than we think, Paige. They always are...


Betty: Hannah, I am so very sorry.
Hannah: It's fine. Don't worry.
Betty: But you're annoyed with me. How can I make it up to you?
Hannah: I'm fine.
Betty: Hannah, I feel awful...


Juliet: Why isn't she annoyed with you and Hector? You were there too.
Gina: She wants attention and she knows she's most likely to get it from Betty.
Juliet: Are you sure? She seems quite annoyed.
Gina: She's been my best friend since we were kids. Trust me! In a second she'll excuse herself rudely and go to another room so she can pretend to cry.



Hannah: I'm going to the bathroom. Be back in a minute.
Betty: Oh, Hannah, don't go...


Gina: See.
Juliet: Wow.
Gina: Told you so.
Juliet: You're good. What else can you tell me?
Gina: It will roughly take her twenty minutes of nobody coming to check on her before she gives in and comes out with wet eyes...
Juliet: Wow. What else?
Gina: She'll then be really quiet and isolate herself for maximum sympathy.
Juliet: Woah.
Gina: I also know her menstrual cycle...
Juliet: And stop!
Gina: Sorry.


Juliet: Betty, you know what Hannah's doing, right?
Betty: No?
Gina: Oh, come on, Bet! It's so obvious!
Juliet: She's playing the sympathy card to see how much she can get.
Betty: No, really?
Gina: She's not even that upset. If she can get over me sleeping with all her husbands, running her down in my car and using all her credit cards why can't she let you off for leaving her out in the snow?
Betty: Yeah, I guess that's true. You're the bad friend, not me.
Gina: Oh, come on. I'm not that bad.
Juliet: Yeah, right.
Gina: I'm a good friend, OK?
Juliet: Name one good thing you've ever done for Hannah.
Gina: I.. erm... made her lunch one time...
Betty: When!?
Gina: Erm... about five years ago? Although my hands ached after getting the bread out of the cupboard so she took over.
Juliet: Well you've certainly proved us wrong.


Betty: Look, she's coming out of the toilet now.
Gina: Lets have fun with this. Betty, pretend to be overly generous with her, make some outrageous gestures and see how far she is prepared to take this.
Betty: Isn't that massively immature?
Juliet: It is, I agree.
(Silence)
Juliet: Lets do it!
Betty: Hell yeah!


Betty: Hannah, hey!
Hannah: Hi.
Betty: Are you OK?
Hannah: Yeah... fine.
Betty: Here, have my seat.
Hannah: Oh?
Betty: Come on, I insist.
Hannah: Thanks...
Betty: And whilst I'm up I'll make you some toast.
Hannah: OK. That seems nice.
Betty: Actually, scrap that. I'll make you a three coursed meal WITH sides! How about that?
Hannah: Sure...
Betty: All right. Coming up!


Juliet: (Whispers). My God.
Gina: (Whispers). This is going to be fun.

A few hours later...


Bob: How can I prove to you both that me and my family are civilised, respectable and normal!? I want to make you guys feel at ease and for you both to be comfortable in my home. What can I do to try and reassure you?


Paige: Well... erm... you could get changed for one.
Bob: Oh, right, yeah. Sorry...


Hector: So... we haven't really hung out much.
Vicrum: Nope.
Military Guy: Not much.
Hector: I'd like to get to know Bob's best friends better.
Gay Jay: I'm sure you would.
Vicrum: Don't be a bitch, Gay Jay. We'd like to get to know you too as your Bob's... companion? Pet? I'm not too sure. Needless to say we know you spend all your time together.
Hector: Oh, yes. Excuse me. I'm going to be right back!


Hector: Brandi, thank god you're here!
Brandi: Why do you sound surprised? We're all snowed in and this is my room?
Hector: Yes, well, I need your help.
Brandi: What with?
Hector: All of Bob's friends are here and I get the impression they don't like me.
Brandi: Look, they're nice guys, I'm sure they do.
Hector: But that Vicrum just called me Bob's pet and companion! Just because I'm a robot.
Brandi: So?
Hector: So? That's just prejudice to my people, Brandi!
Brandi: If you want to impress them then just go out and be nice. Have fun.
Hector: I suppose. I'm a funny, lovable and handsome robot, right?
Brandi: Yeah, you can crack a good few jokes.
Hector: And lovable and handsome?
Brandi: I'm gonna catch some sleep!
Hector: Ah, dude, that's not cool...


Hector: So, guys. What do you like to do in your spare time?
Gay Jay: Dunno.
Military Guy: Not much.
Vicrum: Nothing really.


Hector: Brandi, I need help!
Brandi: Hector, I'm sleeping...
Hector: Right, sorry. I'm a selfless robot. I think they'll like me soon enough...








Hector: They hate me!
Brandi: Oh, for crying out loud.
Hector: What can I do, Brandi?
Brandi: Right, Gay Jay is obsessed with everything Sex and the City and Desperate Housewives. Military Guy would love for someone to ask for his name and then not interrupt him before he says it and Vicrum hates his name so try and get him to see it as cool.
Hector: Thanks, so much! You're an amazing person! I don't know why Bob is so cruel to you because you're so fantastic!
Brandi: Aw, thanks, Hector. You really think so?
Hector: For sure! You're a lovely young lad!


Brandi: For fu-
(Kettle whistles)
Brandi: - sake.


Betty: That's your tea ready, Hannah!
Hannah: Thank you.
Betty: So how was your food?
Hannah: It was all great.
Betty: Still feeling down?
Hannah: Yeah, kinda.
Betty: Aw. Well, when this blizzard is over I'm going to go out and spend a fortune on you for Christmas. How about that?
Hannah: I suppose that will sort of help...
Betty: Right, in the mean time I'm going to get all my jewelry and give it to you! Be right, back.
Hannah: Really!? I mean, that could help...


Betty: Bob, I need some of my necklaces and... oh!


Bob: (Singing). Santa Baby, forgot to mention one little thing... the ring!


Betty: What is this?
Bob: I'm performing for Henry and Paige. They love it! They can't get enough!




Betty: I just need to get some bits and then you can continue.
Henry: NO! NO! NOT CONTINUE!


Hector: Vicrum, hello! What a surprise!
Vicrum: Erm, I'm kind of in the middle of somethin-
Hector: Ah, right. But I wanted to talk to you about your name.
Vicrum: Pfft, here we go...
Hector: No, no... it's good! As a guy with a weird name myself I completely envy you for yours! It's amazing!
Vicrum: Wha-really?
Hector: Amazing! One of the best names I've ever heard. Nobody else in the world has a name like it. It's brilliant!
Vicrum: Well when you put it like that... thanks so much, Hector.
Hector: Your welcome, buddy. I feel as if we're best friends now!
Vicrum: Erm, yeah, sure. Thanks though, it means a lot.


Hector: So, Gay Jay. I've downloaded every single episode of Desperate Housewives for you. It's all on my laptop and you can enjoy it!
Gay Jay: Wow, really?
Hector: Yep! It only cost me three hundred pounds and used up all the bandwith we have for this month but it's worth it... pal!
Gay Jay: Thanks so much! Thank you!


Hector: So only Military Guy left... I'll have to work on him in the morning.




Bob: Goodnight, guys!
Paige: It was generous of you to offer us the bed, Bob.
Henry: Yes, I agree actually. Thank you.
Bob: You're welcome, guys! So you kinda see that I'm a normal, civilised person now?
Henry: I suppose, yes!
Bob: Excellent. Night, friends!
Paige: Goodnight.


Paige: (Screams).
Henry: ARGH!


Bob: Guys? What's wrong?
Henry: There's a bloody snail in the bed!
Bob: Oh, that's Marty!
Paige: Marty!?
Bob: Yeah, he's my bed buddy! Betty doesn't approve but I talked her round as long as he stays on my side of the bed.
Henry: Argh, for heavens sake.
Bob: Be careful you don't squash Ted.
Henry: Who's Ted!?
Paige: Let me guess... a pet Ant!?
Bob: Of course not!
Paige: Thank goodness!
Bob: He's my tarantula. He lives in my pillow case.


Henry: WHAT IS WRONG WITH THESE PEOPLE!?


Juliet: So how is it going, Bet?
Betty: I've given her a bed in Brandi's room despite my bad back. She's got all my jewelry. She's got all my make-up on her face. I've even given her...
Gina: What?
Betty: The car!
Gina: Bloody hell!
Juliet: She really is trying to get all she can get!
Gina: She used to do the same to me before I stopped putting up with it.
Betty: I wonder how far we can take this...
Gina: We'll try more in the morning.

A few hours later:


Henry: I need to use the bathroom.
Paige: Then go, dear.
Henry: I don't want to wake them up and make them all angry at me.
Paige: Don't be stupid.
Henry: My heart almost went last night, Paige! I can't take much more!
Paige: Look, you're hardly going to get a fright by just going to the toilet. Now, go on!
Henry: Fine!




Henry: (Whispers). Thank God, made it to the room at least...


Hannah: Hiya, love. I'm just finished.
Henry: ARGGGGGH!

Four hours later...




Hector: It's OK, buddy. It's OK.
Bob: What's wrong with him?
Hector: He told me his name.
Bob: And you didn't interrupt him!?
Hector: No, I heard.
Military Guy: It's just so nice to have somebody know, you know?
Hector: I'm sure it is, Military Guy.
Military Guy: Wait, why are you still calling me that?


Hector: OK, I'll be honest. At the time you told me somebody flushed the chain. I didn't hear.
Military Guy: WHAT!?


Bob: Oh, good, so we can keep that joke going?
Military Guy: You lied to me!
Hector: I'm sorry! I just wanted you to like me! Everybody else does, why can't you?
Gay Jay: Oi, robot bitch!


Hector: What's wrong, pal?
Gay Jay: PAL!? PAL!? Only the first season of Desperate Housewives is in English! The rest is all foreign!
Hector: Really!?
Gay Jay: You planned that! You did it on purpose!
Hector: No, no!
Vicrum: Give him a break, guys!


Military Guy: Why do you like him all of a sudden?
Vicrum: He may take Bob away from us a lot and limit the time we have with him but he's a nice robot! He says he likes my name.
Gay Jay: Really?
Bob: Didn't you say to me the other day it was a stupid name?
Vicrum: (Gasps). How could you!?
Hector: Oh, for crying out loud! I give in!


Hector: You guys don't wanna like me then fine!


Betty: So, Hannah. I've given you everything I own.
Hannah: Still feeling a bit upset though...
Betty: Then there's only one thing left. Hannah, you can have Brandi!
Hannah: Erm, Betty, no, you really have done enough...


Betty: OH, SO ONLY NOW ONCE I OFFER BRANDI YOU DECIDE ENOUGH IS ENOUGH!?
Hannah: You've been playing me!?
Betty: Hell yes, what is wrong with you!?


Bob: Everybody is an idiot in this house except for me!
Juliet: Oh, yeah right!


Gay Jay: I can't wait for this blizzard to be over so we can all get the hell out of here!
Vicrum: I second that!
Bob: Yeah, I can't wait for you all to leave!
Hannah: YOU THINK I WANNA STAY!?
Henry: We'll be right out of here once this blizzards over, trust me!
Paige: Henry, don't be rude...
Henry: Oh, you wanna stay?
Paige: Well, no...
Bob: No, cause your stuck up!
Juliet: Bob, don't talk about my parents like that!
Bob: You even admit it yourself, Juliet!
Paige: Young lady, is that true!?
Military Guy: God, this blizzard cannot end soon enough!


Brandi: RIGHT, I'VE HAD ENOUGH. LISTEN TO ME! Everyone, gather around!
Bob: But -
Brandi: DO IT!

 


Bob: WOAH!
Hannah: That was amazing!
Hector: Brilliant!
Military Guy: Voice of an angel!
Juliet: Where did the microphone come from?
Betty: Don't ruin it! That was wonderful, love!


Hector: Sorry about everything!
Gay Jay: Aw, forget about it. I'm sure we could all be friends.
Military Guy: Without a doubt.
Vicrum: And I'm sure we can share Bob.
Hector: It's great we can finally get on!


Hannah: I'm sorry for taking advantage, Betty.
Betty: It's fine. I shouldn't have seen how far I could have gone.
Hannah: So I can keep your jewelry, the car and the house?
Betty: (Sweetly). Aw, best friend... no way in hell.
Hannah: Fair enough.


Gina: Guys, I just got a text! The blizzards passed! We can go outside!
Gay Jay: O - M - G!
Paige: Thank heavens!


Bob: WHOO!
Gay Jay: I FEEL FREE!
Gina: This is amazing!
Betty: I'm so glad it's stopped!
Military Guy: It's incredible!


Gay Jay: Ah, jeez...
Brandi: It's really cold.
Bob: Yeah, lets go back inside.






Christmas Day:


Betty: It's been such a wonderful day! We may have spent most of it cutting the ice away from the tramp and apologising but it has been an amazing day!
Bob: It really has and I'm just so pleased I get to spend it with my incredible family.
Hector: Aw.
Juliet: That's sweet, Bob.
Brandi: I'm glad I got noticed the other day too. It was nice to have my moment to shine.
Betty: You were amazing, love.
Hector: Truly.
Betty: I'll put the kettle on and we can have a toast to family!


Bob: And who knew you could sing so well eh, Juliet?
Brandi: YOU'VE GOT TO BE FU-


[kettle whistles]
Brandi: -ING JOKING!
Juliet: That was quick!
Betty: Turned out I had already put it on! What am I like?