Sim Date Series 3 - Episode 3

Mr Love: Good evening! After last weeks interactive episode we've returned to the studio this week for another classic episode of Sim Date! If you watched episode one you will know that I now meet the contestants before letting the date onto the set... that way I can insult the contestants without revealing their hideous characteristics to the date. So, let's go and meet them!

Mr Love: Here they are! Tonight it's a man's show meaning one female contestant will choose one of these three losers! Let's see who they are...

Richard: Hi there, I'm Richard and 24. I'm not sure why, but every time I've asked a woman out they've always refused! I just don't understand it, so I've come on here, where, if I get chosen, they at least have to give me a chance.
Mr Love:
I can't think of anything nasty to say about you, so... next!

Max: Hi I'm Max and 24...
Mr Love:
Wait a minute! Turn around, show the viewers what you've got.

Mr Love: No wonder you can't get a date.
Max:
What? Women love pony tails.
Mr Love:
Not these days, they like neat tidy hair... like mine.
Max:
Yeah, but they don't like makeup-wearing men either!
Mr Love:
This is for my work!
Max:
It makes you look gay.
Mr Love:
How dare you!? Sit down and shut up!

Johnny: Hi, I'm Johnny, and like that geezer over there I get refused when I ask people out. I sort of know why... apparently, I look gay.
Mr Love:
It's the way you dress.
Johnny:
(Laughs) Look at yourself then!
Mr Love:
This suit cost a fortune!
Johnny:
You've been ripped off mate.
Mr Love:
I've had enough of meeting the guys... let's meet tonight's very unfortunate lady.

Mr Love: Ladies and gentlemen, this is Rose! Rose, I don't understand, you look fine. Why aren't you getting any dates?
Rose:
Oh, I'm getting plenty of dates, but I'm just sick and tired of only meaning one thing to a man.
Mr Love:
What's that?
Rose:
Sex. They just want my body and not me.
Mr Love:
Good luck in finding a man that doesn't! (Laughs). Take a seat.

Mr Love: So, you've read the guys name, age and job... what do you think so far?
Rose:
Well Mr Love they don't really tell me much, so lets get on with the questions which won't tell me much more!
Mr Love:
Your wish is my command...

Mr Love: Which question would you like to ask contestant one, Johnny?
Rose:
Last girl friend.

Johnny: Well, it's been a while since I went out with her but she was my age. She was a blonde, and I don't agree with the dumb blonde stereotype, but this blonde really was dumb! Now that I think about it that's probably the only reason she went out with me! Anyway, she was fairly good looking. I can't remember much more about her though.
Rose:
Thank you. I'd like contestant two to describe himself.
Mr Love:
Your supposed to wait for me to ask you.
Rose:
Whatever!

Max: Well, I've got long hair.
Johnny:
He's got a pony tail! (laughs).
Max:
Yeah, and I like it too. I've got blonde hair and blue eyes. I dress pretty smartly.
Johnny:
Yeah right (!).
Max:
Excuse me? At least I don't dress like I'm gay!
Johnny:
Yeah sure...
Max:
Boys! Stop it! Anyway, Richard, you've been left to describe your pet.

Richard: Erm... well I haven't got a pet at the moment, but my last pet was a cat. It was black and white, and you, know, catish... with whiskers and everything.
Mr Love:
Thank you Richard!

Mr Love: Rose, what do you think of the guys so far, and which one do you want to say good bye to now?
Rose:
It'll have to be contestant 3, Richard, sorry.
Mr Love:
Don't say sorry to me, now's your chance to say sorry to him!

Rose: Sorry sweetie. The other questions told me something about the other guys and you unfortunately ended up with the worse question.
Richard:
Yeah, well you seem like a nice woman. Hope things go well for you tonight.
Rose:
Me too!

Mr Love: It's now time for Rose to ask her own questions to each of the remaining guys. Rose, have you thought of what to ask them?
Rose:
I'd like Johnny to describe what he's got on and I'd like Max to tell me about his last girlfriend to see if I might be his type.
Mr Love:
Let's get their answers then...

Johnny: I'm wearing nice, faded jeans.
Max:
Tight, gay looking ones..
Johnny:
Shut it! And with that I've got on brown shoes and a white shirt, open halfway.
Rose:
Mmm...
Max:
And my last girlfriend was fairly short, with short brown hair and brown eyes. I haven't got a type of woman though!

Mr Love: Well Rose, it's time for your choice.
Rose:
Johnny.
Mr Love:
Ok. Well let's meet Max, and then Johnny your date for tonight!

Rose: Oh my god!
Max:
What!?
Rose:
You dress like an old man!
Max:
Thank you (!). You dress like a tart.
Rose:
Yeah, ok, whatever. Bye.

Rose: You smell lovely.
Johnny: Erm... thanks.
Rose:
Sorry, I just love nice smelling guys.
Mr Love:
With the new downtown area almost complete, tonight will be the last time we send our couple into our special dating room.
Rose:
We have to go in that poxy room!?
Mr Love:
Yes.
Johnny:
Well lets go then babe!

Rose: Hmm... I guess it's ok.
Johnny:
It's got a bed at least.
Mr Love:
Oh dear.
Rose:
What!?
Johnny:
Erm... in case we need to lie down if we get drunk.
Rose:
Hmm.. well come on then let's eat!

Mr Love: 30 minutes later, Johnny and Rose, now stuffed full of turkey are lying on the bed together 'digesting'.
Rose:
This bed is really comfortable.
Johnny:
Yeah, it's great. These jeans are getting a bit uncomfortable though.
Rose:
They do look a bit tight.
Johnny:
Mind if I take them off?
Rose:
Oh yeah, very subtle (!).
Johnny:
(Laughs). Sorry.
Rose:
Oh ok, take them off but no funny business.
Johnny:
Of course not.

Mr Love: 20 minutes after that conversation the pair of them are getting up to some very funny business indeed under the bed covers. It seems to the date has gone well, so let's summarise...

Mr Love: Leopard skin?
Johnny:
I love these pants!
Rose:
Me too.
Mr Love:
Oh right, were on... Well Rose and Johnny, does this mean you two are going to give things a go?
Rose:
Yeah, defiantly!
Mr Love:
That means your our first success story of the brand new series and will be appearing soon on the success page. Richard and Max were unsuccessful, but they'll get another chance by going into the dates database where you may choose to send them on a date with someone else! Until the next studio episode, which will be a teenage special, good night!